Hi Candidate,
I'M SICK OF HEARING BAD NEWS!!
Let's talk about something nice instead: Compliments.
I think we could all use a little more positivity in our lives — and giving out good compliments is a great way to do it.
Not only can you make someone's day, but it can make you feel better too.
Think of the last time you got a really good compliment. No, I don't mean something superficial like "I like your shirt" or "Nice haircut." I mean an authentic compliment.
How did that make you feel? Maybe appreciated. Maybe flattered. Maybe even moved to tears.
(If you're a robot like me, nothing moves you to tears.)
Here's the kicker: I bet that compliment also made the person giving it to you feel awesome, too!
In fact, one of the most powerful ways you can make yourself happier is to give a compliment to another person. Not just a nice, throwaway compliment. I'm talking about a meaningful, authentic compliment.
Typical compliment: "I like your tie!" or "I like your dress!"
GREAT compliment: "Wow Candidate, you look amazing. One thing I really admire about you is how you always look so put together. I try to do that so I know how much work it really is. You really do an amazing job."
(Notice how crappy compliments typically start with "I" whereas good ones focus on the person receiving the compliment.)
The compliment could be about their work, how great their photos on Instagram look … whatever. Just imagine how they would feel.
And imagine how happy YOU would be!
This is super counterintuitive to how most of us think.
So many of my students are obsessed with their own problems. They're constantly looking inside their own head.
- "Oh I have a fear of failure."
- "I'm a perfectionist."
- "I I I."
But we're all ignoring a tried-and-true solution that's staring us in the face. Making someone else happy is going to make us happy. Totally different than the normal things we do to be happy.
The usual answers for a quick boost of happiness: Watch a movie. Eat ice cream. Meditate. All of those are "me focused." Hey, if you want to do those things … awesome. I love movies.
But giving someone a compliment is "you focused." It's focused on someone else, and that's why it's fundamentally different. That happiness lasts for them and for you.
I still think about great compliments friends said to me years after they happen.
Once I saw how powerful this was, I actually started trying to give people more compliments. It didn't come naturally to me, but I've been around a number of very successful people and I've observed them. And they are just so good. It seems like they are naturals at just making other people around them feel good.
So here are two little tricks I discovered for giving great compliments that other people love, and they will make you feel great too.
First, focus on the little things. Again, very counterintuitive. When I started giving compliments, I would focus on big things that everybody knows. "Wow. Nice suit. I like it" or "Congratulations on your promotion!"
But I slowly realized that the most socially adept people can turn even the smallest things into a compliment.
For example, a friend comes over. You make them dinner, and they say, "Wow I really love how you seared this steak. It's perfect." A lot of people think that bigger compliments mean bigger impact, but it's actually small compliments that stand out. It's like relationships. Real love isn't just getting a big expensive gift once a year on your birthday or Valentine's Day or New Year's. Real love is doing little things every day to show that you care. Could be cooking breakfast, doing laundry, writing a small note. Being there at the door when they come home from work, or whatever it is for you.
Second, tell people the kind of person that they are. This is another counterintuitive approach.
For example, "You're the kind of person who can talk to anybody" or "You're the kind of person who always stays positive. It's amazing." We love to be told the kind of person we are. It's the same reason that we read horoscopes and take Myers-Briggs personality tests. Every single person loves to learn about themselves.
Use these techniques! They are extremely powerful, and you're using them to genuinely make other people feel great.
The incidental benefit that you will see is that you'll be happy when you make others happy. It's not fake. It's actually truly authentic.
Instead of sitting around like most people and asking "How do I make myself happy? What am I going to pull out of my freezer to feel good for the next ten minutes?" — you're asking a totally different question. "How can I make someone else happy by giving them a genuine, authentic compliment?"
Here's your action step for today. Play The Compliments Game. It's very simple.
- Give 3 authentic, observational compliments in 24 hours.
- Don't just call up your mom and give 3 compliments (though she probably deserves it). Find 3 unique people and give them each a unique compliment. Yes, you can do this via email or text or video call.
- Take note of how the person reacts, then see how you feel after each one.
Try this today. Let me know how you felt after giving the compliment.
Thanks for reading!
