Here's one of my fantasies

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Candidate,

Let's spend some time diving into one of my fantasies: How I would run the boarding process of a plane.

That's right. Some of you fantasize about women or men or being a millionaire. I methodically plan how I would improve the efficiency of an airport terminal.

See, after traveling a lot, I've concluded that the most dreadful elements of society — the worst of the worst — come out when people are boarding a plane.

Here is what would happen.

I would have no mercy. People's instinctive tendency is to crowd and congregate, blocking the pathway, like in this picture I recently took at JFK:

Clueless people blocking the ENTIRE WALKWAY at JFK

Passengers would line up military style. I would organize by height, weight, and for fun, clothing colors of the rainbow.

If someone tried to skip the line and board before their row was called, they would suddenly become an example to the entire line.

I would hold up their ticket, pretending to be innocently curious, and loudly exclaim, "EXCUSE ME? DID YOU KNOW THERE IS A LINE? OH YOU ADORABLE THING. THE LINE ACTUALLY STARTS BACK THERE." They would slink away, avoiding eye contact. There would be no more line cutters.

I would go beyond my job duties.

As any traveler knows, the real transgressions begin when people actually get on the plane. People stop in the middle of the aisle, spending 80-90 seconds inexplicably pawing through their bags and blocking the TWO HUNDRED PEOPLE behind them.

In my world, this problem would not exist.

I would walk through the plane with a goddamned toilet plunger through the aisle. Clear the aisles, people. What seems disconcerting would ultimately be welcomed and applauded as the plane boarded 25 minutes early.

JetBlue would wonder why their turnaround time has plummeted by 40% at this one particular gate at JFK. They would spend half a million dollars on a research study, which would lead them back to one gate agent.

Gate Agent Sethi.

Damn, that's how you do it.

P.S. We all have our fantasies. This week, we're going to examine how the subtle things we do — the emails we send, the ads we see every day — influence us. Like my airport fantasy, you get to be the expert.

To start, here's a salon I walked past the other day. Would you go here? Write me back and tell me what you notice.