You're damn right. But first, I have a few thoughts to share about social skills.
As someone who writes in-depth blog posts and emails giving away 98% of my best actionable strategies and tactics for FREE, I really hate listicles.
Let's get real. Nobody reads "10 ways to save more money" and then goes out and adds an extra $10,000 to their savings account. That's why I always say to go for Big Wins — the one or two things that can really move the needle for you.
But when it comes to social skills, there are so many nuances. The smallest things can have a major impact on how people perceive you. I can't possibly cover everything without writing an entire 3-volume collection. So in rare form, here's a listicle from me: 20 counterintuitive insights about social skills...
- Small talk is awesome. It's not a waste of time. It's the early part of a dance where you feel each other out, get to know each other when the stakes are low, and establish a common bond. Don't skip it.
- What do you really want? If you don't know that, you can't communicate it.
- It's OK to say no. You can do it politely, you don't have to be mean, but you decide what you want to do. Use this: "I really appreciate the offer, but I'm going to have to pass. I'm forcing myself to stay focused on X. Again, I'm flattered, and thank you for the offer."
- You have communication patterns from childhood that you don't even know about. Ask a good friend, "What are my verbal tics?" Listen and thank them. This is really hard. It's also one of the best ways to improve.
- Dream teacher: Pick someone you admire, study their social skills, and try to apply one thing. Is that weird? Maybe. What's weirder: Never trying to improve your social skills at all.
- How come everyone says, "I'm socially awkward" or "I have social anxiety" these days? Unless you have a diagnosed condition, please shut the hell up. You can improve your social skills and it will change your life. And if you are diagnosed, you can still improve. Here's one example.
- Being good at social skills means being open about what the other person wants. Being masterful means sometimes not even having to ask.
- Social skills are like BO. If you even suspect yours are bad … they're terrible. If you've never thought about it before … well, everyone could use a little help.
- Sometimes, the best thing you can do is STHU. Shut The Heck Up.
- If they dish it out, ain't nothing wrong with dishing it back.
- People love learning patterns about themselves that they didn't know. Love, love, love it. This is why astrology is so popular.
- Most people either dominate a conversation by talking 80% of the time, or delegate responsibility by only talking 20%. Which one are you?
- Be interested. People like to talk about themselves. If you want to be perceived as a social genius, just ask people questions about themselves.
- SPEAK UP IN LOUD LOCATIONS.
- Oh, you're shy and life is hard? Boohoo. I have hairy toes and slightly crooked teeth. You can improve your social skills.
- Yes, men and women communicate differently. Acknowledge it, learn it, master it.
- Don't be so serious all the time. If you're at a bar talking about philosophy and the meaning of life and our existential risk from climate change … give it a rest. Sometimes people just want to have a drink and chill.
- You can find something interesting about everyone. But some people are just boring.
- Elite-level social skill: Making fun of yourself with just the right amount of charm.
And number 20...
You should join How to Talk to Anybody and watch your social skills massively improve in about 7 days. It's fun, it's eye-opening, and the people around you will notice an amazing difference in a week.
